Quid superest de corporibus?!

The Trimorphic Protennoia is a Sethian¹ Gnostic text whose only surviving copy lies in the Nag Hammadi library which was discovered in 1945. There is much scholarly debate about many aspects of this work and I will try to cover many of them in this short work. One of the main arguments that has been discussed over the years has been the connection between the Trimorphic Protennoia and another Sethian Gnostic text, the Apocryphon of John.

However the largest debate that still is being discussed by far is the connection between the Trimorphic Protennoia and the Johannine Prologue² and being such shall be most discussed throughout, though other lesser arguments will be discussed and the most compelling sides will be talked about as well. Concerning the connection between the Trimorphic Protennoia and the Johannine Prologue this paper argues that the two texts are definitely related and that they draw on some source as a basis for both works. Genesis I is a good text to argue for the basis of both as the vocabulary and style is very reminiscent of it. As for the relationship with the Apocryphon of John, it is clear that the two share a large amount of shared information that has been processed and used in different ways.

 

Overview

The Trimorphic Protennoia is quite a different text from the canonical writings of the New Testament and also several of the non-canonical works as well. The glaring reason for this, is the fact that the work itself is written from the point of view of the Thought (protennoia) of God the Father. Not only is this true but, though the speaker identifies his/her/itself with all three of the genders, the most prominent of all is the female aspect.

This conflicts from the more mainstream Christian conception of God as being solely a Father with a Son and rounded out by the Holy Spirit. The Trimorphic Protennoia on the other hand opens up the possibility that along with a Father, a Son and a Spirit, there also could be a Mother. This distinctly Sethian cosmology is found in several other Sethian Gnostic texts with minor differences that leave this work with some original take on the religious views of the Sethian Gnostics that sets it apart from the rest.

Structurally the Trimorphic Protennoia is split into three separate parts: the Discourse of Protennoia, On Fate, and the Discourse of Appearance. In each of these sections, the speaker reveals a different aspect of itself to the reader by showing another attribute of itself and the influence that it has had on mankind as well as on the inhabitants of otherworldly realms too. Each of these three sections will be summarized and any relevant scholarly argument will follow each section.

 

Part I

The first section sub-noted as the “Discourse of Protennoia” introduces the narrator of the entire text: “I am Protennoia, the Thought that dwells in the Light. I am the movement that dwells in the All, she in whom the All takes its stand, the first-born among those who came to be, she who exists before the All³”. Right from the beginning the reader of this text will be amazed to find that not only is the speaker the presence in all things (akin to the Holy Spirit), but also that the speaker is a female. This is significant in that no great amount of Christian literature exists from the point of view of a woman let alone that of some supreme omnipresent host.

The successive paragraphs help define exactly what Protennoia (as she shall be referred to from now on) is. She is the present in all creatures both celestial and earthly. She is immeasurable and knows all things. She is the creator of all things since: “[she] put forth the All by [her] Thought.” Protennoia goes on to identify three main persona all of which came through her as a vessel: the Thought, the Voice, and the Word. She is the Thought of the Father (being God) as well as the Thought of the All. Through this Thought comes the Voice which grants gnosis (knowledge) to all who hear it (i.e. everyone). The Word of this Voice is identified as the Son (Jesus). For Jesus came and: “revealed the everlasting things, and all the unknowns were known.”

The trimorphic aspect of Protennoia is next given as being the Father, the Mother, and the Son. All these spring forth from the Thought of Protennoia and thus are separate yet the same. After this is a list of different Aeons and other beings created from Protennoia, as well as the following conflicts that sprang from their creation. The section ends with Protennoia discussing how she disclosing how she has freed the reader from the bonds of evil in order that they might return to the place from which they came (Heaven).

 

Part II

The second section titled “On Fate” has Protennoia quickly recap how ever present and singular (yet different) she is and switches from the Thought to the Voice as speaker. She talks of how she has again come in the form of a female in order to inform the people of the ending age (Aeon) and the beginning of the “one to come”. The Aeon that had ended brought with it destruction that shook the foundations of the celestial realm: “and the foundations of the underworld and the ceilings of Chaos shook, and a great fire shone within their midst... and the thrones of the Powers were disturbed, since they were overturned, and their King was afraid”. The result of this destruction cut off the masses from returning to the Archgenitor (the Creator).

The celestial Powers begin to doubt the authority of the Archgenitor seeing as how he had boasted that he was the one who begot them and that besides Him there was no other. They ask him of this Voice they had heard that seemed foreign to them and that He Himself had not recognized. Protennoia discloses that she is both the Father and the Mother and androgynous. She copulates with herself and thus is the “Womb of the All”. She says that she is the coming age which she had previously talked about. This ages opens a way for the reader to enter into the Light and to be baptized and regain the glory once had when they had previously belonged to the Light (before birth and before Protennoia had breathed the Holy Spirit into them).

 

Part III

The final section of the Trimorphic Protennoia is called the “Discourse of Appearance”. In this section Protennoia discusses how the Speech existed in the beginning of the All, yet that it was not the first for: “there is a Light that dwells hidden in Silence”. Taking on the persona of the Word for this section she talks of a Savior (since he is the Word of the All) and how by being a Savior she brings Glory to all.

The next section has been a matter of discussion since the discovery of the Trimorphic Protennoia. In it Protennoia tells the reader that she will disclose mysteries to them as they are her fellow brethren (seeing how she is Jesus in the form of man). Immediately after this line however five lines are either missing or purposely omitted, and when the work picks up again the reader thinks that they have missed the secrets that were to be imparted on them.

 

The Five Seals

After this the section ends with a discussion of how Protennoia took up someone (a Gnostic) and baptized and clothed him and enthroned him on the Throne of Glory. After this she gave to him the five seals and granted him the mystery of knowledge. The five seals have also been a subject of debate among scholars as to what exactly they are. John D. Turner, the editor of the Trimorphic Protennoia, argues that: “the five seals 'are a single baptismal rite consisting of the five stages of enlightenment noted above: investiture, spring baptism, enthronement, glorification and ecstatic rapture⁴”.

Alastair H. B. Logan however agrees with scholar Yvonne Janssens' argument that the five seals refer to the anointment of the sensory organs of the body, though for Logan it is more specifically those which he expects that souls will have: the two eyes, the two ears, and the mouth⁵. His argument is the most compelling as he cites Gnostic myth with the figure of Jesus and his four guardian angels as well as how each organ would be anointed in the name of one of the five⁶. This argument is supported by the Trimorphic Protennoia: “He who possesses the Five Seals of these particular names has stripped off <the> garments of ignorance and put on a shining Light”.

 

The Apocryphon of John

The Apocryphon of John is, as mentioned above, a Sethian text in the same family and closely related to the Trimorphic Protennoia. In this text John meets with a Pharisee who debates with John. The debate distresses the disciple John and the Savior appears to him to teach him what he wishes to know⁷. The significance about the Savior is that his form is constantly changing, similar to the Protennoia of the Trimorphic Protennoia. Aside from this, the Apocryphon of John also contains a sections dealing with the Fates of various people⁸ (similar to the destruction wreaked on the celestial Powers in the Trimorphic Protennoia).

The language between the two texts is much the same, where a commonly used technique is language that tends to bend back on itself. In the Trimorphic Protennoia for example, Protennoia talks of how she is one, yet also talks of the three different forms she has inhabited. In the Apocryphon of John, such language can be seen also: “He [Jesus] is not corporeal nor is he incorporeal”. Other shared vocabulary can be seen, such as the use of: Barbelo, aeons of the Father, invisible Spirit, Autogenes, and the use of the collective Father, Mother, and Son.

John D. Turner, the editor of the Trimorphic Protennoia, sees the descent of Protennoia and the Five Seals as being so closely related to the concluding monologue of the Apocryphon of John that it must have served as a model or source of the Trimorphic Protennoia⁹.

Harold W. Attridge cites John D. Turner as linking the Apocryphon of John and the Trimorphic Protennoia as describing a heavenly revealer bringing enlightenment and salvation to the reader¹⁰. This holds true and, coupled with the amount of shared vocabulary between the two texts, it is clear that these two draw on some singular source of inspiration for their compositions. Therefore, taking into account the Johannine Prologue as well, the most likely suspect for such an inspiration would have to be Denzey's proposition of Genesis I being the source (see below).

 

The Johannine Prologue

The relationship between the Trimorphic Protennoia and the Apocryphon of John has been a subject of debate among scholars since 1973 when Gesine Schenke and other German scholars noticed a connection between the little researched Trimorphic Protennoia and the Johannine Prologue¹¹. Both texts discussed an agent of God descending in three forms to redeem those who recognized them for who they are. Nicola Denzey approaches this highly debated topic by: taking both texts apart from their relationship to 'Gnosticism', not drawing on the theory that both texts draw on the same body of tradition, and by proposing that the Trimorphic Protennoia is a myth created from a specific way of looking at Genesis I¹². Denzey acknowledges the fact that both texts could be derived from Genesis I (by the vocabulary used as discussed above) but points out that they sometimes argue contradictory points.

Denzey cites the original influential arguments made by members of the Berliner Arebitkreis for the connection between the Trimorphic Protennoia and Johannine Prologue: the Trimorphic Protennoia and Johannine Prologue are a “gnosticizing” of the Johannine traditions or that the described three-fold form of Logos in the Trimorphic Protennoia fit more within the work itself than in the broader traditions¹³. She also points out an argument made by Craig A. Evans that most of the vocabulary of the Trimorphic Protennoia is found in the Johannine Prologue, but that the reverse does not hold true, for the Prologue has many important terms such as 'God' and 'children of God' and verbs such as 'to testify' or 'to believe' that the Trimorphic Protennoia does not¹⁴. It is clear that the two texts are related and if one depends on the other it is also clear that the Trimorphic Protennoia depends on the Apocryphon of John. The most likely conclusion though for this argument is that both texts draw on Genesis I for their inspiration and represent different interpretations of the text.

 

Conclusion

The Trimorphic Protennoia is quite a curious work. It represents in some part a slice of the Sethian Gnostic cosmology with a take unique to itself yet sharing characteristics with other related texts (both Sethian and non) like the Apocryphon of John or the Johannine Prologue. The reationship between this text and the others has been a highly debated one with several worthwhile arguments proposed regarding which influences which and whether there is any influence at all. It is clear from looking at the vocabulary among all the texts and comparing the style of each, that they draw on some similar kind of source. John D. Turner argues that this may be true but not show the influence we expect because: “a later editor inserted Johannine language for the purpose of polemicizing against orthodox Christian Christology 'in favor of a higher (Sethian) one¹⁵'”. This may be true, but for now scholarly evidence is lacking and the best documented stance is the shared influence of Genesis I on the Trimorphic Protennoia and the Johannine Prologue.

The Trimorphic Protennoia itself is a document that needs further study to become as well-documented as the more mainstream texts that it has been compared to. For a work so unique and newly discovered, it is a wonder such documentation does not already exist. Continued study may bring a more fulfilling conclusion to the relationships between the above mentioned texts as well as solving the mysteries written in the text itself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bibliography

Attridge, Harold W. "Valentinian and Sethian Apocalyptic Traditions." Journal of Early Christian Studies 8 (Summer 2000): 173-211. Cited 22 October 2009. Online: http://muse.jhu.edu/journals/journal_of_early_christian_studies/v008/8.2attridge.pdf

 

Denzey, Nicola F. "Genesis Traditions in Conflict?: The Use of Some Exegetical Traditions in the "Trimorphic Protennoia" and the Johannine Prologue." Vigiliae Christianae 55 (2001): 20-44. Cited 22 October 2009. Online: http://www.jstor.org/stable/1584734&Search=yes&term=protennoia&term=trimorphic&list=hide&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dtrimorphic%2Bprotennoia%26x%3D0%26y%3D0%26wc%3Don&item=1&ttl=78&returnArticleService=showArticle

 

Logan, Alastair H. "The Mystery of the Five Seals: Gnostic Initiation Reconsidered ." Vigiliae Christianae 51 (May 1997): 188-206. Cited 4 November 2009. Online: http://www.jstor.org/stable/1584025?seq=2

 

Pagels, Elaine H. "Exegesis of Genesis 1 in the Gospels of Thomas and John." Journal of Biblical Literature 118 (Fall 1999): 477-496. Cited 7 November 2009. Online: http://www.jstor.org/stable/pdfplus/3268185.pdf

 

Turner, John D. Sethian Gnosticism and the Platonic Tradition. Quebec: Le Presses de l'Universite Laval, 2001.

 

 

One of the main figures in the Illiad of Homer is the wise, old, adviser Nestor. This aged veteran of wars has seen his share of battle and always has stories to provide to inspire, to aid, to give hope, and to urge on the rest of the Greek army in their battle against Troy. The Greek lyric poet Theognis of Megara, assumes a similar persona in several of his poems addressed to a person known as Kyrnos the son of Polypaos¹. This persona, the subject of this essay, shares many qualities that the Homeric Nestor encompasses such as giving advice, and comparing old with new, but also provides a somewhat different character from Nestor in that he focuses on different subject matter and has a different style. These are addressed by using several examples from Nestor's speeches in the Iliad and drawing on fragments of Theognis that use the persona when talking to Kyrnos.

Nestor, as mentioned above, serves the place of the figure of a wise old counselor who helps spur on the Greek troops. He falls into a role similar to the comic old man who often starts out a long-winded story with: “In my time we had to walk fifteen miles through the snow, naked, to ______”. He always seems to have a story ready that parallels the situation occurring in the present² and, being older than everyone else in the army, is looked up to as a figure of wisdom.

Theognis of Megara, has a large corpus of work under his name that has been the subject of debate for quite sometime. The fourteen hundred lines of elegiac poetry that come from him carry many themes among which is a dominating political and ethical outcry in verse aimed mainly towards his recipient Kyrnos. Theognis' wise, old, adviser tends to serve as a vessel through which Theognis can make political comments concerning the city—Megara³—in which he lives as well as a philosophical vessel through which he makes ethical statements and comments on life⁴.

Greek lyrical poetry was mainly performed in front of a group of people, usually at a party, commonly of close friends or acquaintances. Theognis not only uses Kyrnos as an object of his advice but indirectly also takes advantage of the audience themselves to pass along his wisdom. In this act, he becomes a very Nestor-like speaker, while also disassociating himself from the stigma attached to political outcry.

Theognis uses many mythological examples when giving advice such as in his poem on wealth being the main virtue among most of mankind⁵. In this short excerpt of twenty lines, Theognis uses the myth of Sisyphos and Persephone⁶ (inventiveness), Nestor himself⁷ (charisma), and a comparison to the Harpies⁸ (speed) to show that wealth still is held highest among men even in comparison to such great talents. The reader finds Nestor using something very similar in his speeches to the Greeks: “Strongest of all men born on the earth those heroes were brought up; strongest they were themselves, and as well they battled the strongest—savages, mountain-bred Centaurs—and dreadfully routed and killed them⁹”. His mention of these differs though from Theognis, as they are not specifically named as well known figures of myth but as a more general legendary group of men whom Nestor accompanied into battle. Theognis on the other hand chose to make reference to some more well-known figures including, as seen above, Nestor himself who would have been legendary due to his inclusion in the Iliad.

Theognis' speaker differs also from Nestor in the content and subject of his speeches. Nestor's speeches are used to mediate in situations, such as in Book I when he mediates between Agamemnon and Achilles over Agamemnon's choice to take Briseis away¹⁰. He again serves as the mediator in Book IX when Agamemnon tries to send gifts to placate Achilles who is refusing to fight in the war¹¹. IN the later half of the Iliad, Nestor also gives speeches to spur on the Greek troops during such times as the death of Patroclus or when Hector is routing all the Greeks. Theognis' speaker, like Nestor, focuses on the present situation while reminiscing about the past, but also covers different subject matter:

“Kyrnos, this city is still a city, but its people now are different, being those who earlier knew neither judgments nor laws... and now they are noble, son of Polypaos, while those who before had merit now are worthless¹².”

From this we can see that Theognis has strong feelings about his hometown and that this is the subject of some of his poetry. Nestor, who seems to have had more war experience than Theognis, instead chooses to focus on war time and previous conflicts with relation to the new.

Theognis embodies many ideas present in the Iliad that by association Nestor to tends to support. In one poem his advice to Kyrnos is to “be intelligent, and do not at the cost of shameful or unjust deeds attempt to draw to yourself honors or merits or wealth¹³”. In the Iliad the accumulation of wealth plays a great part, but most of the time, honor is shown for the dead.

The practice of taking a slain enemy's armor for one's own benefit (monetarily or defensively) is seen throughout the Iliad, the only times when this act is shown as disgraceful or unjust are those when anger is most present, such as when the rage of Achilles is finally released and he battles against the river. There he disgraces the bodies of the murdered, though this is not solely in the pursuit of wealth. Theognis addresses this type of action in another one of his fragments when he says that no city has ever been destroyed by noble men¹⁴.

Just from these few examples it becomes quite apparent that Theognis and Nestor share many similarities but that each withholds his own unique identity in comparison to the other. On one hand the reader has a real life author who is speaking to them through the image of a wise figure, and on the other they have a wise figure speaking to them in context of a story in which he is a fictional part of. Theognis' speaker deals mainly with wealth and the corruption it can inflict on a people in their pursuit of it. He also focuses on this corruption within the scope of his own city by telling Kyrnos about the present situation in comparison to the past and advising him on the futility of resisting wealth¹⁵. Nestor focuses more on the conflict between the Trojans and the Greeks and situates his advice on such while also drawing on past situations just like Theognis. The correlation between the two is no doubt due to the overwhelming influence the Iliad has had since it was originally composed. Theognis, when looking for a good character to base his advice-giving persona on, would no doubt have turned towards the like of Hesiod and Homer for inspiration. Who better than Nestor, one of the wisest characters in the entire epic, to turn to?

Zach Low

9-26-09

Greek Civ Essay 1

 

The Iliad contains lots of death and killing of both greater and lesser characters. By far among all of these are the two notable deaths of Patroclus and Hector. Patroclus was the close friend of Achilles who was slain by Hector in the sixteenth book of the Iliad and serves as the final push towards sending Achilles himself out into battle. Hector is the champion of the Trojans and Patroclus' killer as well. Both of these heroes are given funerals (Patroclus in 23 and Hector in 24) that serve not only as a way to grieve over the dead person, but also as a way to ensure their memory for future generations. This theme of remembrance is evident within both funerals and surrounding events, and shall be dealt with herein.

Patroclus is killed in battle against Hector while dressed as Achilles. While this happens in book 16, it is not until the reader reaches book 23 that the funeral itself actually happens. The reason for this delay mainly is due to the fight of the Myrmidons to recover Patroclus' body as well as the unleashing of Achilles pent up rage (i.e. the Death of Hector in book 22). When the funeral finally comes, it serves many functions. For one it provides a bridge from the death of Hector to the final book where Hector is recovered and laid to rest, as well as giving the character of Patroclus a final resting place.

Patroclus' ghost makes its appearance in book 23: “...the ghost of stricken Patroclus drifted up... hovering at his [Achilles'] head the phantom rose and spoke: 'Sleeping, Achilles? You've forgotten me my friend.'¹”. Achilles who has so far put off the burial of Patroclus in order that his men may rest. Patroclus' choice of 'forgotten' to explain the delay in his burial is interesting. His funeral will serve as a way for him to be remembered by all who attend and also to propagate his memory for ages to come. It is interesting that the ghost of Patroclus asks Achilles is already he has forgotten him, has left him to wait at the Gates of Hades² where: “...all the souls, the shades of the burnt-out, breathless dead, [won't let me] cross the river [to] mingle with them...³”. Not only does this serve as a way to move Patroclus on to the afterlife, but also to serve a convenient plot device for Achilles to throw the funeral and games.

Patroclus' actual funeral only takes up a relatively small portion of book 23. The focal point is by far on the funeral games that Achilles throws afterward. Among the activities are: a chariot race (line 329), a boxing match (729), wrestling (781), a footrace (823), a lance battle (891), iron hurling (921), archery (942), and spear throwing (982). These funeral games provide a catharsis for the Greeks, enabling them to forget for a moment the war they have been fighting for years and to battle for prizes. These games also serve as a legacy for Patroclus, for Achilles: “...and [Achilles] brought from his ships the trophies for the contests: cauldrons and tripods, stallions, mules and cattle with massive heads, women sashed and lovely, and gleaming gray iron.⁴” Not only are all of these items of great value, but also as a memorial for Patroclus. Imagine the victorious Greeks returning back home and passing on these trophies through their families or as gifts to friends. The would reminisce on the funeral they had won such from—the funeral of Patroclus—and the heirlooms would hold this connotation for however long they existed.

This fact can be evidenced by a common device used throughout the Iliad. Numerous times soldiers spin elaborate back stories to previous exploits (usually involving a particularly high-caliber killing) that are clear evidence for the survival of someone in another's memory. A good case in point: Nestor. Throughout the entire epic, Nestor serves the role of a reminiscent old man—one of those who would tell stories that began with, “In my time, we had to walk 15 miles through the snow, naked...”. He usually tells the soldiers a story of when he was younger—some exploit or epic battle of his. These kind of speeches highlight the fact that those who have died rely on others to keep their memories alive. When Patroclus' ghost visits Achilles, he talks to Achilles about their shared fate never to return home and refers to their childhood together:

...just as we grew up together in your house, after Menoetius brought me here from Opois, and only a boy, but banished for bloody murder, the day I killed Amphidamas' son.⁵

This supports the theme of remembrance of the dead. The surviving legacy of Amphidamas' son is simply the memory Patroclus has of his death. The same goes for both Hector and Patroclus. This also leads to the scene between Achilles and Nestor (686) where Achilles gives Nestor a left-over prize form the funeral games. Achilles says to him: “Here, old friend—a trophy for you too! Lay it away as a treasure... let it remind you of the burial of Patroclus⁶”.The culmination of the memory theme in Patroclus' funeral is finally scene on lines 4-5 of book 24, where Achilles has the memory of Patroclus burning on in his mind. His funeral has been complete, his games have been played, and his memory shall continue to burn on in the minds of his friends.

It is curious that Homer devoted an entire chapter to Patroclus alone. When compared with the shorter description dealing with Hector, it seems that by devoting an entire book to one man's funeral will ensure that his memory will be carried down through the ages. By giving such an extended description of Patroclus' funeral, Homer could ensure that not only would the characters in the book have something great to carry on Patroclus' memory by, but also that the audience too would experience the same. In contrast, Homer gave Hector's burial less of a description.

The return of Hector's body finally is realized near the close of book 24. When Priam is returning with his son's body, his daughter Cassandra sees them: “Behold Hector now—if you ever once rejoiced to see him striding home, home alive from battle! He was the greatest joy of Troy and all of our people!⁷”. Now that the Trojans finally have the body of Hector back, they can start the mourning process as well as forge memories of him. Hector may be dead but he is striding home alive form battle, at least his memory is. This stirs up similar imagery of the fight and recovery of Patroclus' body previously, and the recovery of Hector brings this theme to the fore. The power language of calling Hector the greatest joy of all of Troy and people, continues on with the memory theme. Giving Hector such an elevated status burns his memory strong in the minds of the people.

The funeral of Hector is much shorter than Patroclus' funeral. After hauling wood back to Troy for nine days⁸ the Trojans are finally ready to lay Hector on his pyre. Once he has been burnt his bones are taken out as Patroclus' were in book 23. Instead of being placed in a golden two-handled urn like Patroclus⁹, Hector's bones are placed in golden chest¹⁰. This—as with Patroclus—is placed inside a barrow serving as a landmark in the future and immortalizing the memories of Hector and Patroclus. This done, Homer ends the entire Iliad with the line: “And so the Trojans buried Hector breaker of horses.¹¹”, he ensures that the audience would not only be surprised by the unexpected ending (the funeral instead of the Fall of Troy), but also gave them the striking epithet of Hector as the last image.

As a final note, one other event is of interest that is present at both funerals: the sacrifice. Homer talks extensively of it in book 23 but mentions a funeral feast after Hector's burial in book 24 that is sure to be laid out similarly. Sacrifices are a vessel for remembering the dead that the gods can make use of. Numerous times have they talked about such-and-such feast of such-and-such dead guy and how many animals were sacrificed up. The same goes true here, for the gods can reminisce on the great feasts that were sent up to them at the funerals of Hector and Patroclus.

In the end, the theme of memory is very present throughout the entire Iliad especially during the funerals of two of its greatest heroes. While there is more supporting detail in book 23, all of that lays the foundation for book 24. The stress on carrying on a person's memory is thoroughly set up with Patroclus but reaches fruition with Hector, for the reader or listener can then draw on the former to analyze the latter. It is clear that both funerals carry parallels and that both have and shall succeed in keeping alive the memories of Patroclus and Hector, be it through the fictional characters or those who read the Iliad and see the way Homer set up the events.

 

 

Jesus the Magician: Charlatan or Son of God?

History professor and author Morton Smith had a long line of controversial books in his lifetime. Known mainly for his discovery of a “Secret” Gospel of Mark in a Greek monastery in the early 1970's¹ that detailed supposed initiation rites that Jesus performed with other men, and the books following: Clement of Alexandria and a Secret Gospel of Mark and The Secret Gospel. In Jesus the Magician: Charlatan or Son of God?, Smith challenges the view of Jesus being the Son of God and argues that he was more of a magician in the sense of the word back in the 1^st century C.E. This review will go through each main section of the book and discuss both the pros and cons of Smith's argumentation as well as the validity of his assertions.

The order of the book is laid out in a way that first outlines the problems with the evidence of Jesus as a magician due to the destruction of such documents throughout history. From there it moves on to establish an historically accurate picture of Jesus' life through evidence found in the Gospels. From that point on Smith slowly draws on various sources including the Gospels and various Jewish and Pagan sources to provide evidence for Jesus being a magician. After presenting this evidence Smith devotes two chapters to explaining exactly what being a magician was viewed as in the time of Christ and then moves back to the Gospels to fit this definition into the framework. The closing chapter discusses what consequences that Jesus being a magician has on historical thought and religious thought.

Smith opens up Jesus the Magician by outlining both viewpoints in his argument and the unintentional bias he feels scholars display in a short preface. He states that scholars have ignored the sources of Jesus being a magician since they focus alone on the gospels which choose to identify Jesus as the “Son of God” rather than “the Magician”². He states that the purpose of the book will thus be to correct this bias by reconstructing the ignored bits of information that scholars tend to ignore.

One criticism that can be brought up is Smith's choice in rendering his translations not in a literal way, but in a way he thinks that they were meant in. He does provide brackets for words added to aid in making the passage make sense as well as for his own thoughts³. Understandably seeing as how this work is less an academic text for fellow scholars as it is a wider-reaching book made for the layman also, the lack of passages in the original languages is disappointing. With such voluminous appendices at the back of the book (that make up almost half of the overall work) it is curious why Smith did not provide the original text of his translations for comparison. This is only but a minor criticism and hindrance for those possibly interest in a more literal and academic study of this work and the works cited as evidence. Overall, the translations themselves seem to be faithful—at least according to the framework Smith outlined for adding his own thoughts in.

As discussed above, chapter one outlines the problems with sources of Jesus as providing a one sided view of the figure. Smith wastes no time in discussing the problem that most of documents surviving that detail any part of Jesus' life were written by his followers mainly in the gospels⁴. He cites an edict by Constantine issued on the banning and destruction of documents relating to Arrius⁵ (as well as other edicts issued by other people), as evidence for the destruction of other pagan texts and minority Christian texts during the same time period. This offers him an handhold through which to explain the lack of evidence that conflicts with the popular Christian view on the divinity and Messianic qualities of Jesus.

Also he chooses to attack the scholars themselves with most of them being as he says: “not [just]... historians, but theologians determined to make the documents justify their own theological positions⁶”. One gets the feeling that he acts as if he were the only scholar to identify the contradictions found in the canonical gospels and the true intent behind them. This bold statement of fact discredits some of Smith's argument, especially further on when he does it yet again: “We should presume that almost all Palestinian Jews of Jesus' time thought themselves involved in the mythological cosmic drama⁷”. He does little in the way of providing sources for this statement and simply cites Jesus as an example of a Jew who thought himself to be involved.

Chapter two goes on to explain how hard it is to get an accurate representation of Jesus without works directly from the man himself. An odd note in Smith's argument also occurs here when he seems perfectly able to accept that since the four canonical gospels agree on the facts that Jesus was born sometime in the first years of the Common Era, that he was baptized by John the Baptist, that he took his followers over Galilee, and that eventually he went to Jerusalem and was arrested and crucified, then there is no reason to “question their reports⁸”. It is odd to see this when in the previous chapter Smith himself was lambasting liberal (and to a lesser extent conservative) New Testament scholars on how they twisted scripture to suit their own positions—something that Smith increasingly seems to be leaning toward.

He does however start to provide alternative explanations on how Jesus could “exorcise” and “cure” afflicted persons in scripture⁹. He notes how miracle cures such as the like seen in the gospels continues to happen till today, furthering the validity of Jesus' miracle stories without the need for divine power. Smith continues to cite excerpts from all four of the gospels to deal with the increasing popularity of Jesus and also provides possible explanations for some of the afflictions Jesus dealt with (the mute demon as hysterical aphasia¹⁰, etc). Smith spins a compelling argument to show evidence of Jesus as a faith healer citing such passages as Jesus' rejection at his hometown (Mark 6.1) and the fact that when specifically asked to perform a miracle Jesus refused, as being evident that he knew that there was a measure of faith involved in the healing of the afflicted.

In his third chapter, Smith steps back to analyze the broader image of Jesus that people had of him as evidenced by the gospels. Citing from the four canonical gospels, he shows how the public opinion of Jesus changed upon his arrest where his ability to perform miracles was discredited, and how others outside of his followers viewed him as “an authority on legal questions¹¹”. He rightly says that the majority of evidence for Jesus seen as a legal figure are of dubious quality. Taking all of this together Smith concludes that the primary sources of Jesus' opposition are small groups as opposed to larger masses: his family and townspeople¹², the Pharisees and Herod¹³, the scribes¹⁴, and the High Priests¹⁵. Since the chapter regards the view of Jesus from the outsider's¹⁶ point of view he rightly uses the gospels to back up these claims.

Smith goes on to analyze the virgin birth and influence the view would have on Jesus as he grew up. Here Smith makes an attack on the validity of Matthew's rendition of the prophecy concerning virgin birth (Isiah 7.14 / Matthew 1.23), by saying that Matthew was notorious for using verses from the Old Testament out of context¹⁷. He offers no external evidence to back up this statement. During his argument on the scribes and their identity as a broader class as opposed to a smaller group, Smith finally labels Jesus as what he sees him to be—a magician. Saying that the background evidence of Jesus' life we have and the baptism prove him to be a man, so all the other supernatural things make him a magician¹⁸.

His argument that Jesus as the magician somehow managed to take control of the soul of John the Baptist is a hard to believe statement. In Smith's opinion the reader should agree with his adaptation¹⁹ of Mark 6.14 where he adds in his own words to make the verses make sense in his argument. This is a weakness in the book that happens far too early. Smith does address the fact that Jesus was already reportedly performing miracles before John the Baptist was executed.

Chapter four analyzes Jesus outside of the context of the gospels. Right at the beginning Smith basis his argument off a 'reconstructed' version of a highly debated work of Josephus. He assumes that the changes that are causing such a controversy must have been minimal and thus his reconstructed version can be used to assert that Jesus was a miracle worker that claimed to be more than a man²⁰. Later on in the chapter Smith sees the Romans as taking the stance that the (then) minority group of the Christians were a group devoted to magic. He does not seem to take into account the skepticism that must have been felt by the Romans when approaching a secretive, monotheistic religious group quite different from their own. The turning around of an argument made by Origen²¹ about Jesus not being a sorcerer by Smith feels as those it too makes as little since as the first. This is a disturbing lack in the logical progression that so far has been present in the book. Smith ends the chapter rightly saying that many of the texts can be taken to be as reliable as the gospels as they were written down around the same time, and many deal with the same stories.

The rest of the book takes an air of a work on conspiracy theory dealing with Jesus. Moving on from the more rational explanations for miracle working (hysterical personality disorders, etc), Smith spins the image of a Jesus who was a magician. First he defines what the term magician meant during the time of Christ as a person who lays claim to divinity and performs miracles which are actually a common repertoire of the magician²². Smith draws a parallel between Apollonius of Tyana²³ and Jesus Christ as both being magicians. He also works through each of the gospels' stories (the Eucharist²⁴, healings, etc) to show how they were the work of a magician whose followers venerated him as the Son of God. Smith ends the book with a closing chapter tying all the arguments together and brilliantly betraying his knowledge of both scripture and the magical papyrii²⁵. He however has not provided quite a satisfactory argument for the evidence of Christ being a magician and would have done better not to rely on the gospels he downplayed in the beginning as a reliable source for outlining Jesus' life²⁶.

In the end, Smith firmly situates his argument within the historical context to provide a means of showing the motivation of the various figures and how differing viewpoints changed the image of Jesus in the writings that still survive. The choice of historical context however makes it seem to the reader that Smith is picking and choosing things that support his argument only. On a good note, the very layout of Smith's book provides a good layout to slowly build up his argument. By first taking the view of outsiders both in and outside the gospels and then talking about the concept of magician enables him to solidly bring the two together in the final conclusion. Though, his method of repudiating contradictory evidence seems to be changing it to fit into the definition of a magician which he gives. While his argument for Jesus being a magician is not the strongest, the book still has high points that provide a compelling—if questionable—argument about the true nature of Jesus, be he a charlatan or a Son of God.

By no means should one stay away from this book, if only to form their own opinions on Smith's argument by taking into account the cited weaknesses and strengths. One must take into account the date this book was originally published. Being 1978, Smith did not have the same amount of secondary information as is available to the modern scholar, and to a lesser extent the modern reader. This book provides a counterbalance to lives of Jesus that argue more towards the Son of God aspect. Instead of wholly dismissing the supernatural aspect of Jesus (as would be expected from a non-religious biased standpoint) Smith manages to create a fairly logical argument to show how such things could have actually been done.

The definition of the study of religion has been a widespread debate throughout all history, and still is today. Should the study of religion be approached from an impartial side which does not take into account the views of the believer? Or should it be an inside job done by those who have been raised in the religion? Scholars have debated over questions like these for years. Evidence of the debate can be seen in the differing views that religious programs in colleges set forth in their descriptions and qualifications. It is important to realize that there are differences, especially when one like myself is very easily affected (being a religion major) by the separate foci of these institutions. Discussed below are three different religious programs offered at different colleges.

New College of Florida's religious program focuses on “critical reflection about religious ideals and practices in history...”. This type of program takes an historical standpoint when it comes to religion. The program also stresses the importance of being able to empathize with religions that differ from one's own, as well as teaching the ability to look introspectively into one's own belief system. Western and Eastern religious systems are covered, to give a more worldly understanding of religion. The key component of New College's religious program is in the methodology taught in the different classes. All of them take the stance of viewing a religion from the historical context, analyzing the relationship between a religion and its society as well as the main figures that have dominated the belief. This type of interdisciplinary approach can be seen by the fact that New College recommends the potential Religion AOC to do a joint-major by focusing in Religion AND History or Classics or any other number of foci offered here.

Calvin College's religious program offers a different perspective on the approach to the study of religion. From the opening paragraph under the college's description of its religious program it becomes clear that Western style of religion appears to be the more dominant focus. While there is the opportunity to also study Buddhism there, it is directly stated that all is viewed from a Reformed Christian perspective. Compared to the impartiality of New College, Calvin College's foundation in religion leaves something for want. Taking a specific standpoint when offering up religious programs (a decidedly Christian standpoint) limits one to use a single perspective (possibly different frameworks all based on that perspective), whereas New College's impartial perspective gives a more neutral point from which to study all religions.

Lafayette University's religious program also differs from both New College's and Calvin College's respective programs. This program seems to be the one that stresses the importance of gaining a broad knowledge of religions at the beginning by looking at several major religions around the world. Like New College, the programs looks at the individual's relationship to religion as well as the effects of religion on the society, culture, and politics. Also like New College, Lafayette's program identifies the need for interdisciplinary studies when approaching religion. It offers complementary subjects to religion such as: art, history, philosophy, anthropology, etc. This seems quite similar to New College's standards as opposed to the seemingly more restricted view that Calvin College has. Lafayette college goes beyond this though by offering prominent religious speakers to come and lecture and field trips to various religious sites around the world. While New College does not explicitly imply the ability to do such, familiarity with the program shows one the options open to them, though Lafayette's direct offer of such things is different.

Now how does Margaret Miles view these differences? She outlines three “publics” which religions has: the public sphere, the faith communities, and the university disciplines. The first of these sphere's is evidenced in all three programs as it covers any public debates which may rage such as abortion rights and the effects of religion in politics both local and global. She also identifies the split among scholars as to whether religion should be studied by the believers or those impartial. This split can bee seen between Lafayette and New College's programs compared to Calvin College's program. I would have to agree with her stance that religion needs to be approached both by challenging and unsettling the religious and by affirming and educating their beliefs. The third sphere deals with the relationship between science and religious belief in the university. Miles argues that we should include scholars that embody all three sphere's of religious studies in the academic system.

I agree with Miles assertion that we must maintain the AAR's view on religious studies as being inherently interdisciplinary. I also agree that many programs seem rooted to much in the Western religion of Christianity and that study outside of this (excluding Judaism) seems very passing and not as in-depth as it should be. The study of another religion should not be used to enhance one's faith in their own religion, but to broaden their mind and open it to belief systems that may radically differ from their own or at the same time be disturbingly similar.

A broad religious education should shake the foundations of everything the student believed in before starting. It should challenge and educate the student and for some open up the possibility of differing avenues of belief. Everyone has differing views of religion, it is a fact that can't be helped. Miles also recognizes that this is true and argues that it would be more advantageous to study religion from a variety of perspectives such as different sexual orientations or races. Attending a college that approaches religion this way, I can see the benefits of doing so. Studying religion this way not only opens one's mind to different religious views, but also to those of the followers. Being able to take a differing perspective of religion enables one to approach it from many different sides instead of charging head on. The multi-perspectives indeed seem to be the best way to approach religious studies and I very much agree with Miles in this.

Today was my last day working at the pharmacy. I said my farewells and was sent off with an all around "Miss You" from my friends on the staff. I have been demanded to come visit on Thanksgiving (so I will). There was a special present, left for me however in the form of...

EXPLOSIVE SHIT ALL OVER THE WALLS AND TOILET AND FLOOR OF THE NON-EMPLOYEE BATHROOM ALONG WITH A PUDDLE OF PISS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR

It was my job to clean up this foul mess, and left me with quite a vivid memory of my time at the pharmacy.

It was also my job to start/finish packing all of my stuff for school, seeing as how  I am going to be there TOMORROW. There were two major impediments to this plan: work and a Bollywood remake of a badass Tamil movie. I was watching IFC because I saw a movie called Ghajini with a description along the lines of "Amnesiac tries to hunt down killer of his wife". I thought strongly of Memento. So I turn on this 3 1/2 hour movie and ended up watching the second most badass foreign film of all time (next to Oldboy). I highly recommend watching it, and I will not spoil the plot at all. I will however say that the execution is very well done and any fucking dothead that can punch a guy's face so hard it spins around is awesome in my book [/racism].

In other news, my computer is now typing only in bold... methinks it is due to some illicitly gotten software recently put on my computer, and I am currently trying to find a way to fix it.

As Allison said: "Next post from New College".

How badass are Calvinists that are told they are pre-destined for Hell, but go on being Calvinists anyway?

My acekard 2.1 recently arrived in the mail, and I was quite eager to try out my 'backup' of the highly praised Professor Layton and the Curious Village. So I hurriedly set everything up and booted the game for the first time.

The introduction was in the form of an anime movie with a distinct European animation style that reminded me of the like of "The Triplets of Belleville". The graphical style of this game leaves nothing for the want. Upon passing said introduction I started the real gameplay. As I explored the village of St. Mystere I could not help but remember each villager I came across. For this is not a typical JRPG (in fact it isn't at all <_< but shhhh) or any other typical game where you see numerous reused sprites (I look at you Dragon Quest VIII). Each and every villager (prolly 30+) had a very distinct unique look that perfectly displayed their personality. From the gruff bridge man with the huge chin, to my favorite creepy guy with the weird eyes outside the clock tower, each one lent itself to creating a more involved feeling with the game. The village itself also has quite nice looking areas. The main draw of the town is the large tower which appear to be made out of haphazardly stacked houses and lies towards the back of the town. From its introduction in the opening movie, it carries a distinct creepy atmosphere as it looms over the entire city like an emo Jenga tower of epic proportions. Aside from the tower, the village is split into a few distinct visual areas: you have the Reinhold Mansion and environs, the village itself, the abandoned carnival area, the sewers, and the quieter more desolate area of town near the tower itself.

Graphics may make the game a pleasure to look at it, but is it worth to plug in the good ol' Sony Studio Headphones (shameless plug--they kickass)? Why hell yes it is. The music also serves as a reminder of "The Triplets of Belleville" with Mediterranean style music with a heavy side order of accordion. The track in the game, however, are few. But even so, the few tracks that are actually present do not grate on the nerves after listening to the same loop for over an hour--as can be the case in many other games. The music gives a light-hearted feel to the game that gives Curious Village its unique personality; it can it serious but also treats things pretty light-heartedly. It might be worth procuring the soundtrack if you are an avid music collector like me [: As far as voice acting goes, it is actually surprisingly good for being an English dub (which is usually notorious for sucking major nuts). Layton has a nice voice actor and most of the main characters aren't too harsh on the ears. Luke does get annoying after solving multiple puzzles (hearing his exclamation over and over again) with his high-pitched prepubescent voice, but I have heard much worse in other games.

The story is a good one. Apparently one of the main draws for the series is the intricate storylines that each game has (apparently each one having a better one than the previous). Seeing how I don't read Japanese, importing the games is not an option, and wikiing the plot ruins all the fun for you miss the delivery. Luckily the second game "Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box" is scheduled for release here the 24th so we shall see. The story starts off typically enough. A dead rich guy leaves all his fortune to whoever can find the Golden Apple, his family treasure. Professor Layton and his padawan protege, Luke, are contacted by the dead old rich dude's (Baron Augustus Reinhold's) wife, Lady Dahlia, and come to the village of St. Mystere. The discover that every inhabitant there is quite fond of puzzles and always has a new one to challenge them with. The game has numerous little plots that usually add a mystery to the list that all eventually tie in to the main plot and are solved. Some things Layton and Luke do is chase a cat, try and solve a murder, a kidnapping, and the secret of the tower. All of which leads up to a slightly predictable (if you pay close attention) twist near the end which in turn leads to an even larger twist which is a little less predictable.

As mentioned previously, the villagers of St. Mystere love to challenge the player with puzzles. The gameplay of Curious Village is what Braing Age would look like if set in a steampunk-esque world with a story. The puzzles range from the classic wolf-and-chick-across-the-river logic puzzle to sliding-the-damn-blocks-around-to-move-a-ball-out stylus based puzzles. All in all they add up to 120 puzzles, of which 75 must be solved to complete the game, and of which the variety is quite high. The Brain Age aspect of the gameplay eventually does wear on the nerves and I found myself passing up many villager's puzzles after about three hours, just so I could get through the story (which is what makes it all worthwhile). That being said, I had already completed the requisite 75 puzzles and didn't miss out on too much bonus content, nor did I affect the ending in any way.

Curious Village is a game that will make you think. A game that will make you wish you hadn't used all those hint coins on the last puzzle. It is a game that will keep you wanting to see it through, even though eventually the gameplay falls out (unless you really, really like logic puzzles). I think it is quite an interesting concept to take a point-and-click game and combine it with a mind-training game to produce an odd but enjoyable lovechild. I cannot wait for the sequel to come out, for I hear that the story is better and the gameplay has been remedied slightly by giving even more variety to the locations and puzzles you come across. So if you have a DS get this game some way or another and see what all the hubub is about.


( A sidenote: )

Some bits and pieces from my notes at the pharmacy:

(a thermometer ad) THERMOSCAN! It's safer and easier in the ear (ha... ha... hahahahahaha)

I think Richard Dawkins should be paid royalties every time someone uses the word 'meme'.

I also think J R R Tolkien's grave should be polished every time someone uses the word 'glossopoeia'.

While working at the pharmacy I feel like a conflicted hooker. Do I keep it impersonal with my customers (no kissing) or do I make emotional connections (and tell them a little about myself).

These are the kind of things I write down while waiting for customers <_<

As a tribute to George Carlin:

Forty People I love (the sequel to "People I hate" and the prequel to "People I am ambivalent towards"):

Starring: Me

1. Donnie Payne (the best pharmacist ever)

2. Damon Albarn (of course)

3. Gordon Ramsey

4. suicide bombers

5. Michiru Yamane

6. Katz

7. Grayson

8. King

9. Juju

10. Benny

11. Lydia

12. Carlos

13. Adam

14. Allison

15. Mackenzie

16. Michael (arf)

17. Francesca

18. Sherise

19. Eli

20. the rest of NCF

21. My Baby

22. My Fatty

23. My Little One

24. Akira Toriyama

25. Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus

26. Zhuang Tzu

27. Hitler (minus the cowardly suicide)

28. Richard Dawkins

29. J R R Tolkien

30. H P Lovecraft

31. Amon Tobin

42. Douglas Adams

33. Jamie Hewlett

34. Non Ishida and Tetsuya Nishio

35. Linus Torvalds

36. Adam Sessler

37. Pope J P "The Sequel"

38. Immanuel Kant

39. Aleister Crowley

40. The Pharmacy Peeps

As a tribute to George Carlin:

Forty People I hate (the prequel to "People I love"):

Starring: Me


1. People with names composed of meaningless letters (AJ, et al)

2. People who make a gun with their hand and shoot at you

3. Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt

4. People who complain that the discount store's prices are too high

5. PETA

6. Most Atheists

7. Those people who feed starving children in Africa, instead of their own damn country

8. People who complain about people who work certain jobs (garbage dude, burger maker, etc) and say: "SHOULDA GONE TO COLLEGE, DUMB FUCK"

9. Deists

10. Erno Rubik

11. Paul McCartney

12. People who make a gun with their hand and shoot at you... while winking

13. Confucius

14. Deng Xiaoping

15. Cato the Younger

16. Alister McGrath

17. Fred Phelps (and most of the rest of the Phelps family)

18. Becky Fischer

19. Ted Haggard (the hypocritical bitch)

20. People who make a gun with their hand and shoot at you... while winking, and mimicking the sound of the gun's hammer being drawn back

21. A certain cousin of a certain friend of mine

22. Dog lovers

23. People who get tribal/Chinese tattoos/jewelry without knowing the actual meaning

24. Anyone who claims their God is the only God and that all other religion's Gods are non-existent

25. Anyone who thinks their religion is the only right one

26. People who pluck their eyebrows off and draw them back on

27. People who choose jobs soley based on their salary

28. Anyone who has not played Castlevania

29. Anyone who says video games should never have been made/are a waste of time

30. People who say Latin is not a legit language

31. People who claim another person is wrong in their religious belief, whilst knowing little about it (pretty much anyone you get in a religious debate with)

32. Thomas Hobbes (not for his views, but his bombastic writing style)

33. People who make a gun with their hand and shoot at you... while winking, and mimicking the sound of the gun's hammer being drawn back, and blow the tip of their finger when they finish shooting you

34. Australians

35. Americans who try to boycott "Made in China" products

36. Bill Gates

37. Pope Benedict XVI

38. King Ferdinand II of Aragon and Isabella I of Castille

39. Johann Martin Schleyer

and

40. People who make a gun with their hand and shoot at you... while winking, and mimicking the sound of the gun's hammer being drawn back, and blow the tip of their finger when they finish shooting you and then laugh as they walk away

Just read the story of Professor Layton and the Curious Village, it was made of sexiness and azness.

I loved it <3

At grandmother's house baking pizza... in the microwave... all the cookies and Dr. Pepper are setting in. I have lived the gamer's life all day and am soon returning to my wonderful Professor Layton and the Curious Village.

Anyone with a DS needs to get it (or download it and put it on there <_< ). I mean you too, Katz you'll dig the story/art.

More to come.

One Mr. Valinotti routinely stops by the pharmacy.

Well lots of people do <_<

But there is something different different about him... He seems like a little, old, eccentric, fat, hard of hearing man who shuffles very slowly about his way. Normal hmm.... well he does wear latex gloves.

All the time...

One would be apt to think he was OCD or something like a germaphobe. When I got to know him more however, I noticed no signs of any such behaviors. He just seems to wear them like a fancier man in a fancier time would wear plain white gloves to complement his tailcoat. Mr. Valinotti is no such man. Everytime he comes, it is one of either two things (sometimes both): to pick up a prescription for his wife or to buy copious amounts of gauze bandages.

What the hell does he do with all of them?! He comes in at least twice a week when I am there and buys a good forty or so rolls of the stuff!

Today he did it again, which started me thinking about what exactly he was doing with it. I immediately jumped on the idea that this quiet, reserved man must surely be hiding some startling fetishes beneath his calm composure. I imagined him wrapping his wife up like a mummy and having crazy sex with her, or bandaging her up like a crash victim. I thought maybe he wrapped it around her head to make her look bald or maybe used the gauze as diapers. There are quite a number of things he could be using the gauze for. Maybe he routinely kills people and needs to use the gauze for nefarious activity. Maybe his wife bleeds regularly, or wants him to dress up like a cheap Frosty the Snowman and put his carrot in her.

Whatever he does with it, I really want to know. I am half tempted to ask before I leave what he needs all the gauze for and then to be promptly shot down when it turns out to be something like making a condom, or sculpture.

If I ever do find out, you will all know >D

( In other news: )

Today the deputy sheriff of Towns County graced the pharmacy with his presence. The dashing young man is in his mid-twenties, lacks a ring on his finger, and likes to shoot clergyman while taking long walks down the beach (or not). He came to get a video tape form us that had suspicious suspects from Saturday nite's attempted heist/break-in.

( Here's pretty much what went down: )

The attempted break in has happened last weekend when I was off. Apparently at around 10:30 at night (late for the old fogies) the alarm in the pharmacy had gone off sending a telephone call to the pharmacist, Donnie, and alerting his friend parked across the street. His friend hurries over and sees that nothing is happening. There were no signs of break in but the telephone and satellite wires have been cut. He tells Donnie someone cut them but is no longer there.

About an hour later however, the alarm goes off again, and this time when they both arrive, the back door has a huge hole in it. The would-be robbers had struck again and tried to pry the back door open with a crowbar. They had succeeded in doing this enough to move the wood plank holding the door shut. They also apparently thought the alarm would not go off since the wires were cut and knocked the wooden plank down setting the alarm off again (there's a motion sensor). They could have still broken in, but thankfully the padlock at the top of the door had been put on before closing that they and saved the pharmacy a lot of trouble.

Hopefully we'll find something out on who these people were and what exactly they were after.

( In other news: )

I can't stop heeding the call of Cthulhu. It has been eating away at me for days now and no amount of Lovecraft seems to take the edge off. I know these symptoms, I've felt them before. I'm falling in love with a new author now, slowly, ever so slowly, but it happens nonetheless.

I took a walk through my old middle school today. People I couldn't recall walked up and asked how I was doing. You can tell it's a small town around here, not much changes. Little kids my sister went to school with half their lives ago, somehow remember me enough to know me by sight and name. Even some of my teachers are still around. A lot has changed, but at the same time nothing has. It still has the same old hallways, and the same classrooms. A few new faces here and there and an updated paintjob, but it's still my middle school. The biggest difference is looking at the kids there nowadays. Back in my days of middle school boys had their hair short and girls' version of slutty was a spaghetti strap. Sure some of my friends smoked the ganja, and a few others bragged about having sex in the sixth grade, but it was a different world back then. Now I see in the ground zero of hickville: goth chicks, stoners with long hair, more revealing clothes, young girls looking a little too grownup, and a deep lack of innocence. Not just sexual innocence either. It just seems like this group of kids wants/is more mature and grown up than we were. They should enjoy their time being young while they can, it goes by far too fast.

Preliminary measures have been taken towards realizing my first fully constructed artificial language (I have done them before, but rudimentary at best). I have picked an alphabet (preexisting but slightly modified IPA alphabet, for there is no better) and I have picked a name [shska deneb (IPA: ʃsxɑː deɪnɨβ] that will prolly change only slightly once I work out grammatical endings (plan on taking bits and pieces from my favorite languages and adding a little Enochian (for Katz), Black Speech (for Grayson), and Cthulhu (for me) styling to my liking). I will most likely post some tables and examples as it progresses.

My experiments melding acoustic guitar bass (not acoustic bass guitar), melodica (cheap), and soprano recorder (cheap clarinet). Have not proven exactly fruitful. This was also not aided by the fact that any worthwhile drum machine for windows is proprietary and not worth downloading. Taking the instruments separately (and adding a little JZ-100 keyboard from my grandmother's) is proving to be more fulfilling. I have created a number of satisfactory basslines on the acoustic, and my recorder skills are slowly coming back. While on the topic of music, I would like to point out an interesting new rock band that was playing on Jump Start (it's the only thing to watch at 8 in the morning): The Airborne Toxic Event. This band has a fucking violinist and double bassist. They had me at hello. I am in the process of getting some of their music and have great expectations for ear pleasure later on tonite.

( Edit )

There is not much to note for today's occurrences, excepting a minor anecdote courtesy of the Nascar broadcasters playing over the tv in the pharmacy (Nascar is the hick sport of choice after all). Jimmy Johnson was apparently gaining places quite fast, and so the announcer made the following comment:

"Jimmy Johnson is coming like a freight train..."

Meet my new favorite simile.

I recently have found myself buying more into the casual games (pick up and play) than my usual jRPGs. I have also rediscovered my love for all the old school games, but still do not derive as much fun as you I used to from them. Instead I find myself passing away the hours on the new Wii Sport Beach Resort (it rhymes) flying the little plane across the island in search of 'i' points of interest. The mode is called "Island Flyover" and gives you five minutes to just buzz around, pop balloons, find the aforementioned points, or just enjoy the nice scenery. This mode differs from the rest in that there is no real conflict or purpose but to just chill and have fun--something you don't always see in games nowadays.

The mode also brings up strong memories of a little n64 gem known as "Diddy Kong Racing" where you could drive around in one of three vehicles to get to the racing portals or to hunt for the golden balloons scattered around. I remember fondly the times I spent just wafting around in the hovercraft (hard as hell to control though). The overworld seemed to draw from Super Mario 64 which had come out the previous year and which also influenced Banjo-Kazooie (based off of Banjo in Diddy Kong Racing mind you). In Wii Resort, the concept is the same. I do wish though that the developers had included a way to get off your plane and walk around the island yourself, and to enter the various games via the island as a kind of world map hub area ala Super Mario 64. Still, the mode remains one of my favorites from the game.

The exploration aspects of many games, is what really draws me. It may be the carefree attitude one has when not having to worry about levels or enemies or whatnot, but just taking in the scenery that the developers kindly took time to make is sometimes just a wordless experience. Take for instance the Elder Scrolls series. Granted they do have the threat of enemies, but they are few and far between (at least for the most part). The maps for both these games are huge and painstakingly detailed down to millions of blades of grass that some code monkey had to monotonously image. I think it would please him or her to know that many of the players like to take a break (which is also helped by the non-linearity of the games) to just explore the world and find new dungeons, forts, caves, shrines, villages, inns, mansions, lakes, etc.

Another game that I love to just explore is Dragon Quest VIII. Not only is this by far my favorite jRPG of all time (it is a new school old skool game) but it also one of the  most beautiful (barring the limited graphical power of the PS2). The encounter rate is high, but exploring gives one time to grind for experience, to finish those alchemy creations, or to find the treasure chests scattered about. Later in the game you can take to the seas, and even later to the air. Once in the air, one of the most iconic songs from the soundtrack plays and you are free from all encounters to just soar over the world and admire the cel-shaded beauty of it all. A good soundtrack always adds to the majesty of taking in your surroundings and sets the emotional response for whatever scene there is.

Regardless of what the game is intended for, there will always be players who like to just admire the scenery. The games most noted for their exploration value are usually praised for their beautiful soundtracks in the same breath. Take for instance the FPA (not S) Metroid Prime series. Not only are the visuals great and the worlds nicely detailed (with plenty of powerups for the investigator), but there is a soundtrack fitting for each area that is so organically constructed as to seem inseparable from the whole. I find it a good thing that there are still games out there that give a chance fro exploration and reward the player for it. I guess it is time to get back to George Carlin.

What the hell is wrong with people these days? I am not one to ever point to religion as a source of negativity in the world, but rather to the deluded fanatics who engage in them. Case in point? 47 year old Pentacostal-wannabe-minister Dale Neumann of Wisconsin.

Neumann's daughter was suffering from undiagnosed diabetes, which is of course is easily curable. You only need to seek medical treatment in the form of insulin and whatnot to keep the diabetes from becoming too bad. What do Neumann and his wife do instead? They get down on their knees to suck God's dick in order to save their daughter. Neumann figured that prayer would be much more cost effective and easy than dragging his slowly dying daughter down to the hospital.

"If I go to the doctor, I am putting the doctor before God," he said. That was when he was under the impression that his daughter only had the flu or something minor. So maybe he would like to rephrase and say: "I would only go to the doctor if it was something bad that God couldn't take care of".

He so deluded himself into thinking that it was working that his daughter eventually died after not being able to walk, talk, eat or drink. You think a warning bell might have gone off in the stupid fuck's head that maybe this wasn't something like the flu. Apparently he cared enough to give a half-assed attempt to save his daughter by calling an ambulance when she stopped breathing. Where was God then Mr. Neumann?

Even if God exists, I find it utterly stupid to buy into the faith healing bullshit.Sure you have the Hermetic principle of Vibration and all that, so yes thinking (praying) for healing could have a minor effect on the disease (if that's what you wanna believe), but how about trying something practically guaranteed to work? Go to the doctor. How many news stories (reputable) have you seen that show miraculous healings of simple, yet deadly diseases by prayer alone? Now compare that to they number you have seen cured by doctors, who need I remind you are also God's children created in his own likeness.

Fanatical people like this utterly astound me. They focus so much on God, that they lose everything positive to be gained from life. How about enjoying the outdoors simply for being the outdoors? Or a baseball game cuz the Yanks are kicking ass all drugged out yet again? Or the fact that three buxom sugar mamas showed up on your doorstep with bags of crack and horny expressions? No, instead these all have to lead back to God. God this, God that. People get so lost in this religious craze that they see no other thing to live for. That's a sorry existence. I have no problems with  people who believe in God, but also can look at other things separately without God. Looking at the Eiffel Tower built by man, or going to the doctor for a disease that can be cured by man.

Here's a thought. Why didn't he take her to the hospital let the doctors help her, and THEN thank God for giving the doctors the strength to aid in her recovery? I can't say how many times I have seen/heard someone I knew thank God for helping them recover VIA another person. This isn't about putting the lowly human doctors before God, it's about helping someone in need and thanking your God for helping. Or you could just go my way and cut God out altogether, go to the fucking doctor, and avoid all this nonsense.

I was born a zombie. Not everyone is. It is the life of the tragedian, a life full of all things bitter. I blame it on the flies--they always leave a bad taste in your mouth (or what's left of it). My name is Urrrl.

Confined to a flat existence. Mercilessly he slaughters innocent creatures. One can spare no lives in a world where it is a constant struggle to go from one end to the next. He harbors no guilt. He's motherfucking Mario.

It has been calling to him in his dreams ever since he arrived here. The large creature of unspeakable horror. The townsfolk know more than they let on. The only thing they tell him? Welcome to Innsmouth.

The lighter flicks on. A solitary flame flickers, illuminating only slightly the heavy darkness that has settled here. The fluid on her skin glistens in this flickering light, as if beckoning the flame. The lighter tumbles slowly through the darkness, seeming to slow down even as it falls. The flames encompass her making her feel for the first time in her life.

I suddenly awaken back into this dreary existence. Nothing has changed. Nothing ever will. The air reeks of pollutants and leaves a bitter, hollow, metallic taste on the tongue. Welcome to Hell.

I hate my life. Everyday I am jarred roughly from my home and pulled apart. Countless people treat every part of my body with disregard marring it, bending it, breaking it. When they finish their job they shove me back thanklessly. It sucks to be a book.

I once wrote a story about a knight named Bagel. George Carlin wrote something that reminded me of him. Now I want to go back. There is but one thing that I need. Someone give me motivation.

(and a final one drawing inspiration from another author's five sentence story)

She and I writhed in a passionate embrace. I learned every inch of her body that night. Her neck, her breasts, her thighs, all of them bathed in mutual sweat. I felt the passion rising, I could hold it back no longer. I came and she barked.